A Practical Guide for the Snobby, Healthy Foodie

After consuming 3 plate-fulls of my mom's biryani and a bowl-ful of homemade mango kulfi, I've decided I'm highly qualified to write a post about health.

The idea behind "The Snobby Foodie" is that you eat food that's worth it. You forgo the Barefoot wine (barbaric) & save your money and taste buds for Villa Antinori. You don't eat food that you know has 1/2 your daily quota of sodium.You set aside your trending Pinterest post on the 8 Minute 6 Pack and other social media garbage & use common sense to make practical decisions.

Our anatomy & biology isn't changing, but why is it that these social media articles are constantly evolving? Don't be an idiot.

Without further ado, do these 5 things and you'll be sporting a 6-pack in no time. Only joking- here's a practical guide on how to:

not eat half a bag of Pretzel M&Ms
save yourself for that perfect bubble tea that uses real milk
realize dipping 30 almonds in Nutella isn't exactly healthy
not stock your favorite box of brownies in your pantry
appreciate that biryani that is truly fantastic

Be a Prejudiced, Snobby Foodie
When you're faced with a food dilemma, ask yourself if it's worth the calories. Don't pursue good food like it's your last day on this Earth. Discriminate foods that are good, but not fantastic. See examples below.

Foods that are good, but not worth the calories:

Nestle Toll House Break n' Breaks (they're good, but wouldn't you rather have homemade chocolate chip cookies)
Chick Fil A Chicken Nuggets (If you're shocked, I implore you to look at the sodium content on these)
Betty Crocker's Fudge Brownies with the chocolate sauce packets (SO gooey, but a bit too sweet- and they taste like they're from a box)

I'm saving myself for you, chocolate chip scone.

Pick Your Poison

I'm not a fan of "Eat this not that Lists". Like- who in the F would eat sugar free Jell-O over ice cream? This is kind of like that, but you're classifying things that you would actually eat.

Sweets I will eat and like (obviously not all-inclusive):

Chocolate Cake
Specialty Cupcakes
Pretzel M&Ms
Sesame Chicken

Foods I LOVE (give me so many utils!) :

Chocolate Chip Cookies
Tiramisu
(and of course) Bubble Tea
Homemade biryani

Splurge on what you love. The things you LOVE shouldn't be items that are readily available. Also, this list should not be expansive and all encompassing. These are foods that you have to go out of your way to get. Forgo the shitty grocery store chocolate cake and wait for that slice of decadent tiramisu.

Don't Seek Out Your Kryptonite.
Okay, I said that you should splurge on what you love. This DOES NOT MEAN seek it out and double down on fistfuls of chocolate chip cookies.

Don't Buy Your Kryptonite.
Same as above. Don't keep keep flour and butter and chocolate chips readily available in your pantry.

If you really want Betty Crocker's brownies THAT BADLY, you'll have to go out of your way to get them. Hopefully this will weigh on your mind.

Build Snobby Criteria You Abide By.
Did you know that I LOVE chocolate chip cookies? I can chain eat a dozen chocolate chip cookies in one sitting. But I'm not like Rae Sremmurd who doesn't have a type. I try to be particular on what I want.

My type = chocolate chip cookies that:

are homemade
have not too many chocolate chips
are more buttery than they are sweet
have chocolate chips that aren't TOO big
are fresh
are served with milk (you HAVE to have the milk)

This criteria or bust! Sorry Nestle Toll House break & bakes.

Find Active Friends.
When your friends say they want to go on a hike, you don't want to be the lame one who Netflixes, Chills & eats choc chip cookies. You'll experience FOMO and go on that hike. Better yet, find fit foodie friends, so you're not burdened by the crappy food choices of your fit friends after your hike.

Note How You Feel After You Indulged Too Much.
Remember the feeling. The time you ate so MSG-laced Shabu Shabu and had no room for water even though you were dying of thirst (figuratively).

Eating a Healthy, Filling Breakfast
I don't understand people who don't eat breakfast. How do they not explode with hanger? Eating breakfast staves off the monster that comes out and eats all the things at dinner.

Make breakfast fun and filling. It'll encourage you to eat it. At Safeway, you can get breakfast sandwiches for $2.99. You can get eggs, a meat, and ALL the veggies. It's super healthy and filling!

Beware of Restaurant Soups & other mysterious dishes.
Or at least don't get it at restaurants that aren't worth it. There could easily be a whole stick of butter in your French Onion soup and you wouldn't even know! That minestrone could have 50% of your daily sodium intake. I just imagine chefs cackling in the back room and putting fatty, unhealthy things in my soup. I hope this visual helps you.

Don't Turn Your Snacks into Meals
I've stopped buying snacks because some are so tasty that I turn them into full fledged meals. Almonds? Ok- I'll eat 40. It's like a Beta Fish that doesn't know when to stop eating. I would be better off eating a meal. If you can't moderate- don't get delicious, sugary snacks. Stick to bananas.

Look at the Nutritional Facts - Specifically Sodium & Sugar
There's a delicious chickpea salad at Trader Joe's that I LOVE. Upon looking at the nutritional facts, I realized that it contained a majority of my daily intake of sodium. Welcome to bloat city.

You're Better Off Cooking.
It's generally healthier than eating out. You know exactly what's going in your food and you can moderate it.

Personal Narrative: After making homemade Alfredo for the first time, I learned it's contents, and I grew terrified. I had made what I thought was the "healthy" version of Alfredo. This means what I ate at restaurants was much more sinister. After this experience, I stopped buying the sauce and ordering it as much at restaurants.

It's literally butter, cream, and cheese. I know people use literally incorrectly, but THIS. IS. LITERALLY. Butter. Cream. Cheese. Not sure why I thought otherwise.

If you have time constraints and you're sticking with eating out, scrutinize the nutrition facts of the things you buy.

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My point is: don't indulge on things you don't absolutely love. Save yourself for the food that is actually worth it. That biryani & kulfi I talked about earlier. SO worth it.

I hope these practical tips help you eat healthier this holiday season and into next year. Let me know if you have any suggestions- I know I need them.

Similar posts:
Apps for Planning Cheaper Travel (need this one for the holidays)
Food Faux Pas (for the snobby foodie)
The Curse of Snob-ledge